MattBrand Sled Wheels

Tired of it taking forever to get to the bottom of a snow mountain? Is it too bumpy on the way down? Good news! MattBrand Sled Wheels will turn any sled into an amazing and expeditious ride. They are affordable and comfortable!

What’s that you say? Now your sled can be used WITHOUT snow. That’s right! The MattBrand Sled Wheels turn your sled into a wagon when all the snow has melted away!

But wait! There’s more!

Introducing the X-Tream Delux model. One wheel. Total control. Zooming pleasure.

Buckle up, because these wheels will take you somewhere. (Hopefully, not to the hospital.)

MattBrand Toilet Paper

With panic buying taking over all the supply of toilet paper in the United States (again), MattBrand has decided to capitalize on the opportunity. You may think this is ordinary toilet paper, but you’d be wrong. This new and improved product has extra features that your regular toilet paper just doesn’t have:

  • Glow in the dark coating for those late night poops.
  • Secret compartment for hiding valuables in the last place a thief would think to check.
  • Poop guard enhancements to keep the poop on the paper and not on your hands.
  • Softer than silk.
  • Potpourri infusion for fresh smells.

That’s right, your butt needs this!

In the immortal words of Larry:
“Wipe your ass at night and think about me”

MattBrand Dog Hair Chips

Introducing MattBrand Flavor for Your Mouth: Dog Hair Chips. Made with all natural dog hair organically sourced from someone’s floor!

Man's Best Chip

“I can’t believe you ate those!”

NOTE: While this product may resemble Frito Lay’s Doritos chips, the likeness is purely accidental, so you can’t sue MattBrand (the company), because our lawyers said so.

MattBrand Old People Chew Treats

Hey, old guy! Do your dentures need a work out? How about your jaw?

Well, you’re in luck! Introducing MattBrand Old People Chew Treats. The premium chew treat your mouth craves.

Tastes great, feels great, and leaves your dentures feeling fresher than they were before.

Your choice of Prime Rib or Werther’s Original flavors.

MattBrand Old People Chew Treats. Because what else are old people going to do?

And coming soon: MattBrand Old People Chew Toys.

MattBrand Tech Support

tech-supportWe are happy to announce that MattBrand Tech Support is up and running. This is a free service that MattBrand feels will help to better everyone who uses it. So, if you are having trouble with things like online, bandwidth, turning it off and on again, or spam filters; click here and MattBrand will help.

MattBrand¬†Tech Support: “If it’s important, you’ll wait.”

Tech Support is currently not working. Dont worry, our technicians are working on it!