Tired of it taking forever to get to the bottom of a snow mountain? Is it too bumpy on the way down? Good news! MattBrand Sled Wheels will turn any sled into an amazing and expeditious ride. They are affordable and comfortable! What's that you say? Now your sled can be used WITHOUT snow. That's right! The MattBrand Sled Wheels turn your sled into…
With panic buying taking over all the supply of toilet paper in the United States (again), MattBrand has decided to capitalize on the opportunity. You may think this is ordinary toilet paper, but you'd be wrong. This new and improved product has extra features that your regular toilet paper just doesn't have: Glow in the dark coating for those late night poops.Secret compartment for…
Introducing MattBrand Flavor for Your Mouth: Dog Hair Chips. Made with all natural dog hair organically sourced from someone's floor! "I can't believe you ate those!" NOTE: While this product may resemble Frito Lay's Doritos chips, the likeness is purely accidental, so you can't sue MattBrand (the company), because our lawyers said so.
Hey, fry-eater! Do you like your french fries with bland ketchup? Perhaps you dip in mayo (YOU MONSTER). Your worries are over, because your fries will finally get what they need: the Zing. Introducing MattBrand Spicy Fry Juice. Never again will you dip your fries in a tasteless concoction. Try MattBrand Fry Juice. IT'S GOT ZING!
Hey, you! Do you worry about wearing a fanny pack? Would you like something a little bit more discreet? Introducing the NEW MattBrand Merkin Fanny Pack. Keep your junk safe AND discreet!
Hey, old guy! Do your dentures need a work out? How about your jaw? Well, you're in luck! Introducing MattBrand Old People Chew Treats. The premium chew treat your mouth craves. Tastes great, feels great, and leaves your dentures feeling fresher than they were before. Your choice of Prime Rib or Werther's Original flavors. MattBrand Old People Chew Treats. Because what else are old…
We are happy to announce that MattBrand Tech Support is up and running. This is a free service that MattBrand feels will help to better everyone who uses it. So, if you are having trouble with things like online, bandwidth, turning it off and on again, or spam filters; click here and MattBrand will help. MattBrand Tech Support: "If it's important, you'll wait." Tech Support is…
