Sucks to Suck

This is going to get long. If you feel youve already read too much, Ill tell you now how reading this would have made you feel:

“Man, I agreed with some of what he wrote but other parts really pissed me off. But, it sounds like if we just compromise and help meet others needs, everything might just work out.”

So, straws are a big deal right now, huh? Heres how it affects me personally:

  1. Local government requires that any drink kept in my work space be sealed. This means that I need to use a straw if I want to stay hydrated at work.
  2. I live on earth where we have a severe pollution problem. Straws are a part of that problem.
  3. (Indirect affect) I have friends who require straws to be able to successfully drink their drinks.

Well what do we do about this? From the sounds of it, there are several variables at play here and a multi-part solution might be the only way forward. Fortunately, as a social media user, I am qualified to make these decisions for everyone! Here we go…

  1. If you require a straw, like, its life or death, the way a diabetic requires insulin type life or death, my suggestion is that you bring your own straw with you when you go out. It wouldnt be fare for the diabetic to require the ice cream parlor to provide insulin.
  2. If you need straws, and a business wont give you one, dont eat there. If enough people do this, theyll put straws back on the menu.
  3. If you own a business that people expect to have straws, then you should have straws. You dont have to give them out with every drink if you dont want to, but if someone asks for one, just give it to them.
  4. If you are anti straw, dont use them when they are given to you. Thats what I do. Not only that, but I let the person know that I dont want one.
  5. Stop putting straws in every drink! If you bring a refill, the person can reuse their straw. Also, reuse the cup so that another cup doesnt have to be washed.
  6. Recycle the straws you use. No, this isnt a perfect solution but it sure would reduce the amount of straws ending up in the ocean.
  7. How about a biodegradable straw. Whos working on that right now?

There you have it, the straw debate has been solved. No, its not perfect. Yes, its going to take some work. But its not impossible for people to enjoy a Coke with their friends without destroying the only planet we have.

MLB Power Rankings – Week 15

The Brewers had a big week, moving up 4 spots and gaining almost 300 points. Luckily for the Orioles there was only one place for them to fall as they lost nearly 400 points.

1Boston137462-29Up 1
2NY Yankees136458-29Down 1
5Milwaukee70454-36Up 4
6Chi Cubs62451-36Down 1
7Philadelphia54849-38Down 1
8Oakland47550-40Up 2
9Atlanta43050-39Down 1
10Arizona41450-41Down 3
11LA Dodgers29648-41Up 2
12Cleveland24649-39Up 2
13Tampa Bay21245-44Down 1
14San Fracisco17747-45Down 3
15LA Angels13846-45Same
16St. Louis9146-43Up 1
17Colorado5146-44Up 2
18Washington2245-44Down 2
19Toronto-20841-48Down 1
20Texas-32940-51Up 1
21Pittsburg-34741-48Down 1
23Minnesota-52539-48Up 1
24San Diego-55639-53Down 1
25NY Mets-62135-51Same
28Chi White Sox-146030-60Same
29Kansas City-167025-64Up 1
30Baltimore-171824-65Down 1
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Rough Night (2018)

In some ways, this is like The Hangover with ladies. Scarlett Johansson plays the main lady, Jess, who is being thrown a massive bachelorette party in Miami with 4 college friends. Things go a little off the rails when a male stripper is accidentally killed in front of the girls.

Sometimes, these kinds of raunchy comedies can be a lot of fun. Other times, the idea falls flat and there aren’t any good jokes to fall back on. This one is kind of middle-of-the-road. It was mostly fun with some inventive jokes surrounding the side plot with Jess’ groom-to-be, Peter (Paul W. Downs). I had more fun with the fear-turned-road-trip of the Peter character than the murder-turned-cover-up high jinks of the main plot.

Was it funny enough? Yeah.


The Purge: Election Year (2016)

This is the third in the Purge movie series, which depicts a horrific “future” America where an annual holiday known as The Purge is used to “cleanse” the people for the rest of the year. Basically, on Purge day, all laws are suspended for 12 hours and people just go around killing each other. Funny thing is, no one mentions anything about insider trading or tax fraud.

Election Year is almost entirely about Senator Roan (Elizabeth Mitchell), who lost her entire family in a Purge, and has made it her mission to win the presidency and end the annual Purge. With a sudden twist in policy, no one is exempt from the Purge, not even government officials. Senator Roan’s security team, led by Leo Barnes (Frank Grillo), must scramble to fortify her home for the impending unknown of the deadly night. Leading in the presidential polls, it’s clear the senator will be targeted.

Another subplot involves a convenience store owner, Joe Dixon (Mykelti Williamson), who loses his Purge insurance due to rate increases and decides to do whatever it takes to save his shop from looters.

Of course, everything goes wrong with the senator and Leo must get her to safety with help from Joe and a Purge EMT, Laney Rucker (Betty Gabriel).

The blood and gore are definitely extreme. I like the relevance to the current state of the world, although that also adds a depressing element.



The Bay (2012)

Told through found footage, this horror movie shows a Maryland seaside community’s deadly July 4th outbreak of a mutant parasite in the water supply.

The host of the footage is a fresh-faced news reporter (Kether Donahue) who witnessed the events firsthand and managed to survive without being infected.

The gore is definitely top-notch, but the “story” is rather lacking. It’s literally just a series of scenes strung together, and the characters are just people doing things in the scenes. I don’t care about them and none of it matters.

Generally, found footage movies are gimmicky and make me nauseous from the seizure-inducing camera work. This one is better than other ones I’ve seen, but only slightly. Why can’t they have one or two characters that are fleshed out to give the audience a meaningful connection? Why isn’t there a cliche scientist character who figures out the problem and works on engineering a solution to kill all the parasites? I probably would complain about that stuff, too, but at least it would get more tacos.



It (2017)

This new feature film adaptation of Stephen King’s 1986 novel of the same name takes a much different approach than the 1990 TV mini-series. The dark and gritty tone make it one of the creepiest movies of the last several years.

If you are unfamiliar with the story by now, there is something wrong with you. Basically, a group of kids band together in an attempt to stop a horrific clown creature from terrorizing and eventually murdering them.

The acting is considerably good given that the majority of the cast is child actors. The writing manages to solidify and condense the first half of a very large book. It never felt rushed or improperly paced.

If you like clowns and being scared, you will really enjoy this movie.


Jaws 3-D (1983)

Everything you thought you knew about shark movies should just be thrown out the damn window. Billed as a 3-D movie (the awful blue and red kind), Jaws 3 goes to great lengths to point stuff at the screen.

The main character Mike Brody is played by Dennis Quaid. He and his younger bro character, Sean, are the only link back to the other Jaws movies. Mike works as some sort of oceanic engineer or something at Sea World Orlando, where a couple of great white sharks decide to sneak in when a gate is open and unleash bloody chaos on the entire park.

Things get good about 1 hour in when the larger great white mother shark starts killing everything as retribution for her dead baby shark.

Other notable cast members include Louis Gossett Jr. as the main park administrator and Lea Thompson as the love interest for younger bro Sean.

Almost all the FX shots are total garbage. You can tell immediately when it is a composite shot due to the surreal layering of the elements thrown together. Some of the shark shots seem to be reused. There is one odd scene where a scuba diver suddenly ends up completely inside the shark’s mouth/throat as it keeps chomping away until the shark teeth finally grind the meat.

The biggest problem is too much showing the shark and the editing is so ridiculous, it feels like most of the action/suspense is going in slow motion. This becomes glaringly apparent in the climactic control room attack scene near the end. Laughable, man.


Black Panther

Watch it!

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Jaws 2 (1978)

Here we go again with the giant shark attacking swimmers on vacation and the one local sheriff who can stop it.

This time around, Spielberg wanted nothing to do with the production, but the producers were eager to cash in on the massive box office success of the first movie.

Returning cast included Roy Scheider (the sheriff), Lorraine Gary (the sheriff’s wife), and Murray Hamilton (the dipshit mayor). As the attacks and killings slowly increased, Sheriff Brody became increasingly paranoid due to the evidence he encountered. Unsurprisingly, the mayor wanted to throw caution to the wind, because making money is always more important than keeping people alive.

The movie tended to meander a bit too much when it really needed to be more “pedal-to-the-metal” to keep things engaging.

The creature FX weren’t much better than the original movie, which isn’t too surprising given how little anything could have progressed or developed over a short 3-year span. However, where the original movie tried to keep things subtle for lack of quality animatronic shark visuals, this movie was a little bit less cautious.

As far as killer shark movies go, this one is still pretty good, but it could have been better had it tried to find its own unique voice instead of just copying the first movie whenever possible.


Uncle Sam (1996)

It’s almost one of those “so bad it’s good” horror movies, except it never really succeeds at anything.

After being killed in action in Kuwait, Sam Harper’s body is returned to his family, only to wake up on 4th of July as an undead, crispy critter that wants to kill a few people who aren’t being good ‘Muricans. He slays a pervy dude first and takes his mask and patriotic costume, which was perfectly unsettling much like the Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees costumes.

It took almost 40 minutes of the 90-minute run time before the real fun began and the lead-up was not suspenseful. It was kind of like watching paint dry for 40 minutes.

It definitely nailed the B-grade, schlocky slasher horror once it actually got around to it, but much of the action seemed to be going in slow motion.

The only character worth a damn was this stupid kid who happened to be the nephew of zombie Sam. This was no doubt done to allow for the kid, named Jody, to call him “Uncle Sam” whenever referring to him.

The final climax involves blowing Sam up with a giant cannon. It was pretty awesome until you realize how easy it would be to just get out of the way of a giant cannon before it goes off.

The jury is still out on whether I want to add this one to my list of yearly 4th of July films. It’s mostly not good, but there are a couple of fun moments that make it at least marginally watchable.