Dracula 2000 (2000)

You got Christopher Plummer as Van Helsing, Gerard Butler as Dracula, and Jonny Lee Miller as Van Helsing’s protege in this loose re-telling of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

Some thieves steal Dracula’s coffin from Van Helsing’s vault, and little do they know he’s going to drink every last drop of their blood. Then there is a girl named Mary (Justine Waddell) who has some psychic link to Mr. Dracula. Once it starts to delve into religious territory and reveal that Dracula is actually Judas Iscariot, well, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

There was plenty of blood and yucky stuff. Heads came off, eyeballs were punctured. It doesn’t really matter when the story is such rubbish.

I can’t really think of anything I liked about it. It’s boring. No fun to be had. It drags until you get to the credits and you are like, “Thank Jeebus, it’s finally over.”

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

The Faculty (1998)

I was completely obsessed with this movie when it first came out. The director of From Dusk Till Dawn teams up with the writer of Scream and an all star cast. What more could you want? It’s teen horror funsies of the late 90s.

What I really enjoyed about the movie originally was the mystery, the pacing, witty dialogue, and the bad assitudes of the main characters. What I don’t like after watching this time is how the story is a total ripoff of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but tries to get away with it by being self aware and trendy. Yes, it’s a fresh take on the source material, but there are a lot of dumb parts that undermine the parts that aren’t so bad. By the end, you feel like it’s any other horror movie you’ve seen.

There are plenty of good scares and some gory moments. The dialogue is mostly pretty good, but there are some cringe parts where it feels like an old dude trying to write for high school kids.

Removing a taco for the Creed song.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

The Witches (1990)

Based on the Roald Dahl book, this family Halloween flick is a whole lotta fun for kids and adults. A kid named Luke is warned by his grandmother about witches being everywhere and kidnapping children. After his parents die, Luke lives with his grandmother. The two go on vacation at a seaside resort where there is also a witch convention taking place. Luke accidentally hears the witches’ entire plot to turn all children into mice, then is turned into a mouse himself. It’s up to him to stop the witches before they can carry out their plan.

The Head Witch is played by Angelica Huston and Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) plays the owner of the resort. The puppet work was done by Jim Henson’s group. While I love Jim Henson, the mice puppetry is kind of laughable and not very seamless with the live animals. The make-up and FX are not bad for the time period.

It’s not much of a horror movie, but it has some suspenseful parts and scared the crap out of my 4-year-old. I definitely think this should be a yearly family Halloween classic like Ernest Scared Stupid, Hocus Pocus, or Ghostbusters.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

Cult of Chucky (2017)

You’ll never be able to keep this doll down. This time, they pull out all the stops and deliver a crazy 1.5 hour ride. While it’s not anything ground-breaking, I have to give it props for bringing a lot of the previous movie elements together in one and adding some new fresh stuff, too.

The main character from the last Chucky movie, Nica, is back and locked in a mental hospital. Andy, the kid from the first three movies, is back and looking to kick some Chucky ass. Jennifer Tilly also makes an appearance.

The death scenes are pretty gruesome and there is still plenty of campy fun. What I didn’t like was how the cinematography made it look like a low budget handicam production.

If you like Chucky, and who doesn’t, this movie won’t disappoint you. Some of the scenes are drawn out, but overall the pacing is not too bad.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

Early Season Picks

Week 5 is behind us and everyone has played at least 4 games. Its time for my early season picks.

AFC
East: Patriots (3-2)
The Bills have been looking pretty good too but its far to early to root against the Patriots.

North: Ravens (3-2)
Its not often that the AFC North is the worst division in the league but they are. Honestly, the Steelers have just as much of a chance as the Ravens.

South: Jaguars (3-2)
The Colts 2 wins were agains teams that have not won a game yet. The Titans are having trouble putting a whole game together. The Texans lost Watt, their best player, for the rest of the season. And thats how the Jaguars are going to win the division. It wont surprise me if 8-8 goes to the playoffs.

West: Chiefs (5-0)
I cant believe there are still rumors about quarter back problems in Kansas City. Alex Smith is their guy. He is having a record setting year. He will take them to the playoffs and they might just go to the Superbowl.

NFC
East: Eagles (4-1)
I will never get sick of seeing the Giants at 0-5. The Redskins could make a run for the East.

North: Packers (4-1)
Aaron Rodgers will not stay down.

South: Falcons (3-1)
Its hard to say if the Falcons or Panthers will take the South. I just cant root for Newton so Atlanta it is.

West: Seahawks (3-2)
The second worst division in the league. The Rams could take win but I feel like Wilson will keep the Seahawks just above the water.

Posted in NFL Tagged with:

Pet Sematary Two (1992)

When Stephen King doesn’t want to be associated with a sequel to a film based on one of his novels, you’ve done something wrong. The concept of the pet cemetery/Indian burial ground raising people from the dead is back, and that’s about all that’s returning from the first movie.

This time, a teen named Jeff (Edward Furlong) loses his mother in an electrical accident. His father (Anthony Edwards) decides that moving to a small town is the best way to start fresh and move on. The kid befriends another boy, Drew, after being bullied. The two forge a bond while burying Drew’s dog at the Indian burial ground.

Things escalate out of control as the zombie dog comes back to life and kills Drew’s a-hole dad. The deaths and zombies continue until the climax, which was far less suspenseful than the first movie.

While watching the movie, I thought of several ways the story could have been much better than it actually was. It took itself too seriously. If it would have added a bit of campy fun, it might have worked.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

NFL Power Rankings Week 6

The Chiefs are starting to pull away from the pack. Still just a win ahead but significantly more points. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the standings there is a fierce battle for last place. Three winless teams and not a one of them have played a good team yet. The Seahawks were the biggest jump with a huge win against their division rival Rams.

RankTeamPointsWinsLosesChange
1Chiefs1750Same
2Packers104-1Up 4
3Panthers104-1Up 4
4Falcons83-1Down 1
5Eagles84-1Up 4
6Bills63-2Down 4
7Patriots63-2Up 3
8Broncos53-1Down 4
9Lions43-2Down 4
10Redskins42-2Down 2
11Jaguars43-2Up 5
12Vikings23-2Up 1
13Saints22-2Up 6
14Seahawks23-2Up 11
15Steelers13-2Down 4
16Rams13-2Down 4
17Jets13-2Up 3
18Ravens13-2Up 4
19Raiders-12-3Down 5
20Texans-12-3Up 1
21Dolphins-12-2Up 5
22Titans-32-3Down 7
23Cowboys-32-3Down 6
24Buccaneers-32-2Down 6
25Bengals-42-3Up 3
26Cardinals-52-3Down 2
27Bears-61-4Down 4
28Chargers-71-4Up 1
29Colts-82-3Down 2
3049ers-160-5Up 1
31Giants-170-5Down 1
32Browns-170-5Same
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Killer Workout (1987)

You know it is going to be good when the first five minutes include death by tanning bed. The movie was originally titled Aerobicide, which is as good, if not better, than Killer Workout.

Once the first body is discovered, an inept detective investigates the Rhonda’s Work-Out health club. The bodies continue to pile up as the victims do absolutely nothing to fight back against the masked attacker with the enlarged safety pin murder weapon. What in the actual $%^*?

Then this buff blonde mullet guy shows up to “work” at the health club and starts beating the crap out of nearly every bad dude he meets. So much testosterone. Turns out he’s a private investigator.

As usual, the killer is a mystery until the very end. Oh, and do you think that the murders in and around the health club would stop anyone from exercising or working at the establishment? Nope. I feel like I just watched this movie.

The spandex, boobs, and gratuitous aerobics scenes are not enough to save this one.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

Pet Sematary (1989)

Based on the Stephen King novel, a family moves into a house in the Maine countryside. On a hike one day with a neighbor, they are shown a pet cemetery built long ago by the town’s children who lost many pets to the heavily truck traveled road.

The family cat is run down by a truck and the neighbor takes the father to bury it at an Indian burial site beyond the cemetery. A few days pass and the cat returns… changed.

As the family is enjoying a peaceful picnic, the little boy runs into the road and becomes roadkill. The family is devastated and the father decides to bury the boy in the Indian burial ground after the mother and daughter return to Chicago.

Of course, the boy returns as a zombie killer toddler with a scalpel. What did you think was going to happen?

Generally, I like Stephen King movies/stories, but this one didn’t do a great job of pulling the viewer in or maintaining the suspense. In a lot of ways, it kind of felt like a Tales from the Crypt episode gone on a little too long. The production value was good and the acting was about where it needed to be.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews

Death Spa (1989)

It’s the 1980s and everyone is obsessed with fitness. At Starbody Health Spa, a woman is badly burned in a sauna with chlorine vapor. She survives, but the cops are investigating the accident as suspicious. It turns out that everything in the health club is controlled by a computer system and the programmer who keeps the system functioning is the prime suspect. He gives the detectives compelling reasons why he wouldn’t try to kill anyone: because he’s a nerd.

The accidents progressively get worse from a diving board becoming detached to a dude being killed by weight training equipment. Acid baths, face crushing, and neck punctures are some of the various death methods.

At this point, one might wonder why anyone is still going to the Starbody Health Spa. It’s pretty clear that something is amiss and the place is either haunted or has a serial killer member. As the back story is revealed, the owner of the health spa had a wife who lit herself on fire and died. The mystery continues. Is it the wife’s ghost or is the wife’s twin brother (the programmer)?

The only notable actor was Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead in very few scenes. This movie could have been more enjoyable with a faster pace. There were times where it felt like nothing was going on and then times where it felt like it needed to be over already.

Rating:

Posted in 31days, Movie Reviews
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